Kids and Grandparents (humor)

Grandparents:

      1. She was in the  bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the
watchful eyes of her  young granddaughter, as she’d done many times
before. After she  applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little
one said, “But  Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!” I will  probably neverput lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye…

       2.  My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy
birthday. He  asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet  for a moment, and then he asked, “Did you start at 1?”

        3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a  grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and  proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more  and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a  towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back  to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the  three-year-old say with a trembling voice, “Who was THAT?”

      4. A grandmother was telling her  little granddaughter what her
own childhood was like: “We used to skate outside on a pond I had a
swing made from a tire; it hung from  a tree in our front yard. We rode
our pony. We picked wild  raspberries in the woods.” The little girl was wide-eyed, taking  this all in. At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you  sooner!”

      5. My grandson was visiting  one day when he asked, “Grandma, do
you know how you and God are  alike?” I mentally polished my halo and I said, “No, how are we  alike?” “You’re both old,” he replied.

       6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her
grandfather’s word processor. She told him she was writing a story.
“What’s it about?” he asked. “I don’t know,” she replied. “I can’t
read.”

      7. I didn’t know if my  granddaughter had learned her colors yet,
so I decided to test her.  I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would  tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued.  At last, she headed for the door, saying, “Grandma, I think you  should try to figure out some of these, yourself!”

       8.. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation  cabin, we
kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from  attracting pesky
insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in.  Noticing them before I
did, Billy whispered, “It’s no use Grandpa.  Now the mosquitoes are
coming after us with flashlights.”

      9. When my grandson asked me how old  I was, I teasingly replied,
“I’m not sure.” “Look in your underwear,  Grandpa,” he advised, “mine
says I’m 4 to 6.”

       10. A second grader came home from school and said to her
grandmother, “Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies  today.” The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep  her cool. “That’s interesting,” she said, “how do you make babies?”  “It’s simple,” replied the girl. “You just change ‘y’ to ‘i’ and add  ‘es’.”

      11. Children’s Logic: “Give  me a sentence about a public
servant,” said a teacher. The small boy  wrote: “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.” The teacher took  the lad aside to correct him. “Don’t you know what pregnant means?”  she asked.  “Sure,” said the young boy confidently. ‘It means  carrying a child.”

      12. A grandfather  was delivering his grandchildren to their home
one day when a fire  truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the
fire truck was a  Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the
dog’s duties.  “They use him to keep crowds back,” said one child. “No,” said  another. “He’s just for good luck.”  A third child brought the
argument to a close.”They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find  the
fire hydrants.”

      13. A  6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. “Oh,” he
said, “she  lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get
her.  Then, when we’re done having her visit, we take her back to the
airport.”

      14. Grandpa is the  smartest man on earth! He teaches me good
things, but I don’t get to  see him enough to get as smart as him!

       15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.