21st Birthday Speeches

———————————————————-

Some of the funniest jokes I’ve ever heard were told to me at my brother’s 21st Birthday party.  My mother’s speech was a little dry, but the jokes my uncle told almost made me wet my pants.

I’ve written them down the best I remember.  Make sure you tell your guests to empty their bladder before whipping these babies out at the next party.  You’ll make them howl. I guarantee it!



Son’s 21st Birthday
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs.

The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar and tearfully tells the son he is proud of him. Dad orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.

Swoooop! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant “Take another drink”! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay.

Swoooop! Two arms pop out. The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant “Take another drink”! The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out.

The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left…. then to the right…. right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief.

The bartender sighs and says, “That boy should have quit while he was a head.”

Blond’s Birthday Interview

A Blonde airhead goes for a job interview on 21st Birthday.
The interviewer starts with the basics.
“So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?”
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying “Ehhhh… 21!”
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice.
“And can you tell us your height, please?”

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces “Five foot two!”

This isn’t looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the interviewee won’t have to count, measure, or lookup.
“Just to confirm for our records, your name please?”

The airhead bobs her head from side to side for about ten seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying “MANDY!”

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks –
“What in the world were you doing when I asked you your name?”

“Ohhhh, that!” replies the airhead…
” I was just running through that song –
‘Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear…’ ”

Permalink Print