Bar Jokes I


A STRING WALKS INTO A BAR-

He asks for a shot of tequilla. The bartender replys “Sorry we don’t serve strings”. So the string leaves.
The next day, the same string walks back into the bar. He asks for a shot of tequilla. The bartender replys “Sorry we do not serve strings, please go away.”

The following day the string stands outside the bar debating about whether to go in or not. He ties himself in a knot and frays the bottom of the string.

He goes in and asks for a shot of tequilla. The bartender replys “Hey aren’t you that string that’s been coming in here all the time.”

The string replys “No I’m a frayed knot”.

THE JERK —

Two men are sitting at a bar, slowly sipping their drinks.

After a while, the first man approaches the other man, and sits next to him. “This place is great, isn’t it?” he asks.

The second man, somewhat surprised at the stranger’s remark, replies, “Why do you say that?”

The first man, in a low tone of voice, responds, “Follow me.” The two of them walk over to a large window at the end of the room. The window faces out onto the street, 12 floors below.

“Here’s why.” The first man throws open the window, and boldly steps out into thin air. But he remains aloft!

“The air currents are great here!” he exclaims. “It’s very relaxing.”

He floats back into the room. As his feet return to the bar-room floor, he invites the second man to try it.

The second man, skeptical, peers out through the window – down to the pavement twelve stories below. He looks to either side, and finally up above, to see if there was anything holding the first man up.

Convinced that it was no trickery, the second man swallows, closes his eyes, and steps out into thin air. He promptly falls twelve stories to the pavement below.

The first man grins and returns to the bar. Looking rather irritated, the barkeep comes over to the place where the man sits.

“You know,” he says, disgusted. “You’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”

——————————————————————————————

A penguin walks into a bar…

A penguin walks into a bar and asks for a sandwich and a pint! The bartender is astounded by this talking flightless bird and asks about his life. The penguin goes on to explain that he is working at the building site across the road.
Weeks go by and the penguin becomes a regular lunchtime fixture at the bar.

One day a circus comes to town and who should walk into the pub, but the ringmaster. He starts chatting to the barman and learns of the talking penguin who frequents his establishment.

Amazed at this and somewhat skeptical, the ringmaster retorts that if this is true then he would draw in the crowds with an act such as a talking Antarctic bird. The barman says that the penguin should be in soon as it was nearly lunchtime. So the King of the Ring sits in the corner and waits.

Sure enough in walks the penguins and orders his pint of Guinness and his tuna sandwich. The ringmaster walks over after hearing the penguins food request to introduce himself to the amazing bird.

“Hello there,” said the Ringmaster, “I run the circus thats in town and I am always on the lookout for new talent. Can I offer you a job?”

“Is it that big tent in the park?” said the penguin.

“Yes,” replied the Ringmaster.

“The big round tent with the pole sticking out at the top and the flaps and ropes?”

“Yes, Yes my feathered friend.”

“Dont be daft,” said the penguin. “I”m a plasterer!” and walked back to the building site.

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