Quotes that will make you laugh. Gut busting Laugh Quotes!
Men are like steel; both are worthless when they loose their temper.
What if “the hokey pokey” is REALLY what it’s all about?
We are the people our parents warned us about.
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them…well, I have others.
The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don’t know what I’m doing, someone else does.
USA Today has come out with a new survey-apparently, three out of every four people make up 75 percent of the population.
You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R’s only one begins with an R.
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Hain’t we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain’t that a big enough majority in any town?
A good metaphor is something even the police should keep an eye on.
I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
Although it is generally known, I think it’s about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.
I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I’m in the wrong building.
Convent. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
I adore political parties. They are the only place left to us where people don’t talk politics.
Plagiarists at least have the quality of preservation.
I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy — the mother.
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
I know all those people. I have friendly, social, and criminal relations with the whole lot of them.
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. What do you mean? responded her mother. Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
The trouble with the world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things that ain’t so.
He has not a single redeeming defect.
When you get to my age life seems little more than one long march to and from the lavatory.
Last night the creative juices were flowing but today I am merely a vast wasteland of random thoughts.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
In Mexico an air conditioner is called a politician because it makes a lot of noise but doesn’t work very well.
My sole inspiration is a telephone call from a director.
He believes that marriage and a career don’t mix. So after the wedding he plans to quit his job.