Quotes that will make you laugh. Gut busting Laugh Quotes!

Men are like steel; both are worthless when they loose their temper.
– Source Unknown

What if “the hokey pokey” is REALLY what it’s all about?
– Curtis Spencer

We are the people our parents warned us about.
– Jimmy Buffett

Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them…well, I have others.
– Groucho Marx

The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don’t know what I’m doing, someone else does.
– Source Unknown

USA Today has come out with a new survey-apparently, three out of every four people make up 75 percent of the population.
– Dave Letterman

You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R’s only one begins with an R.
– Dennis Miller

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
– Albert Einstein

Hain’t we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain’t that a big enough majority in any town?
– Mark Twain

A good metaphor is something even the police should keep an eye on.
– G. C. Lichtenberg

I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
– Mark Twain

Although it is generally known, I think it’s about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.
– Groucho Marx

I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I’m in the wrong building.
– Charles Shulz

Convent. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
– Ambrose Bierce

I adore political parties. They are the only place left to us where people don’t talk politics.
– Oscar Wilde

Plagiarists at least have the quality of preservation.
– Benjamin Disraeli

I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers.
– Mahatma Gandhi

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy — the mother.
– Claudette Colbert

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
– Flip Wilson

I know all those people. I have friendly, social, and criminal relations with the whole lot of them.
– Mark Twain

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. What do you mean? responded her mother. Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another.
– Source Unknown

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
– Groucho Marx

The trouble with the world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things that ain’t so.
– Mark Twain

He has not a single redeeming defect.
– Benjamin Disraeli

When you get to my age life seems little more than one long march to and from the lavatory.
– John Mortimer

Last night the creative juices were flowing but today I am merely a vast wasteland of random thoughts.
– Peckeroy

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
– Groucho Marx

In Mexico an air conditioner is called a politician because it makes a lot of noise but doesn’t work very well.
– Len Deighton

My sole inspiration is a telephone call from a director.
– Cole Porter

He believes that marriage and a career don’t mix. So after the wedding he plans to quit his job.
– Source Unknown