Lawyer Jokes I

What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!


What’s the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?
Jewelry.


How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.


How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, and then on the other.


How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a picture?
Just say “Fees!”


“You seem to be in some distress,” said the kindly judge to the witness. “Is anything the matter?”
“Well, your Honour,” said the witness, “I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects.”


A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
“Can you tell me how much you charge?”, said the client.
“Of course”, the lawyer replied, “I charge $200 to answer three questions!”
“Well that’s a bit steep, isn’t it?”
“Yes it is”, said the lawyer, “And what’s your third question?”

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