Lawyer Jokes

• Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
  From chasing parked ambulances.
• What do you call a lawyer with an I.Q. of 50?
  Your honor.
• What do you call a lawyer whose gone bad?
  Senator.
• What’s the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
  You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!
• How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
  His lips are moving.
• What’s the difference between a dead dog and a dead lawyer in the road?
  There are skid marks in front of the dog.
• How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
  Depends on how thin you slice them.
• What do lawyers do when they die ?
  Lie still.
• Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?
  Professional courtesy.
• What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
  Not enough sand.
• What is the definition of a shame (as in ‘that’s a shame’ )?
  When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
• What is the definition of a ‘crying shame’ ?
  There was an empty seat.
• How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?
  Never enough.
• Have you heard about the lawyers word processor?
  No matter what font you select, everything come out in fine print.
• What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School?
  A lobotomy.
• What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
  The lawyer charges more.
• What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
  A vampire only sucks blood at night.
• What is brown and black and looks good on a lawyer?
  A doberman.
• How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
  Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
• Why did the post office recall the new lawyer stamps?
  Because people could not tell which side to spit on.
• What do Lawyers do when they die ?
  Lie still