Lawyer Jokes II

Lawyer Jokes

  • Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
    From chasing parked ambulances.
  • What do you call a lawyer with an I.Q. of 50?
    Your honor.
  • What do you call a lawyer whose gone bad?
    Senator.
  • What’s the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
    You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!
  • How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
    His lips are moving.
  • What’s the difference between a dead dog and a dead lawyer in the road?
    There are skid marks in front of the dog.
  • How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
    Depends on how thin you slice them.
  • What do lawyers do when they die ?
    Lie still.
  • Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?
    Professional courtesy.
  • What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
    Not enough sand.
  • What is the definition of a shame (as in ‘that’s a shame’ )?
    When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
  • What is the definition of a ‘crying shame’ ?
    There was an empty seat.
  • How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?
    Never enough.
  • Have you heard about the lawyers word processor?
    No matter what font you select, everything come out in fine print.
  • What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School?
    A lobotomy.
  • What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
    The lawyer charges more.
  • What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
    A vampire only sucks blood at night.
  • What is brown and black and looks good on a lawyer?
    A doberman.
  • How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
    Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
  • Why did the post office recall the new lawyer stamps?
    Because people could not tell which side to spit on.
  • What do Lawyers do when they die ?
    Lie still

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