Obama Jokes

“One by one the Republican candidate potentials have been shooting themselves in the foot making huge, horrible gaffes and they just look silly. It’s gotten so bad that President Obama is now worried he may actually be re-elected.” –David Letterman

“President Obama will begin a three-state bus tour. I believe the three states are confusion, delusion, and desperation. ” —Jay Leno

“A man jumped the White House fence, but after a brief chase, the Secret Service was able to talk President Obama into coming back and finishing his term.” —Conan O’Brien

“President Obama changed his slogan from ‘Yes we can,’ to ‘Yes we cave.'” –Jay Leno, on the debt deal

“Obama achieved the same kind of compromise with the Republicans that Custer reached with Sitting Bull.” –David Letterman, on the debt deal

“President Obama said he’d be OK being a one-term President. And with that he shoved an iPhone down his pants and pressed ‘send.'” –Conan O’Brien

“President Obama said regarding the economy, ‘The sky is not falling.’ The poll numbers are falling, the market is falling, support for the war in Libya is falling, Anthony Weiner’s pants are falling, but the sky is fine.” –Jay Leno

“The Republicans are so happy about bin Laden they’ve granted President Obama full citizenship.” –David Letterman

“Rush Limbaugh said yesterday that Obama never would have tracked down bin Laden if it weren’t for George W. Bush’s policies. Although in fairness, Obama never would have even been elected if it weren’t for George W. Bush’s policies.” –Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama announced that Osama bin Laden has been killed in Pakistan. That’s right, bin Laden is dead — just like the Republicans’ chances in 2012.” –Jimmy Fallon

“I think the next election just got a lot easier for President Obama ’cause his response to every question during the debates will be: ‘Wait, I forget…Did you kill Osama Bin Laden? Or did I kill Osama Bin Laden. Oh no, it was me, wasn’t it?'” –Craig Ferguson

“President Obama must be very happy because he finally took down his arch enemy: Donald Trump. The bin Laden announcement interrupted ‘Celebrity Apprentice.'” –Craig Ferguson

“Osama bin Laden’s death has been in the news all day. Leftish stations are going, ‘President Obama saves the world.’ Stations on the right are going, ‘Obama kills fellow Muslim.'” –Craig Ferguson

“I don’t like this new Obama who hunts Muslim extremists. I like the old Obama who WAS a Muslim extremist.” –Stephen Colbert

“These people could have personally witnessed Obama being born out of an apple pie, in the middle of a Kansas wheat field, while Toby Keith sang the National Anthem — and they’d still think he was a Kenyan Muslim.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“President Obama released his long-form birth certificate, proving once and for all he was born in this country. But you know, it never ends. Now Republican leaders are saying they want to see the placenta.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama released his long-form birth certificate yesterday. So we found the birth certificate. Now it’s on to bin Laden.” –David Letterman

“Prominent people are coming forward to attest to President Obama’s American citizenship. The Governor of Hawaii just said he first met Obama just days after he was born. He knew it was Obama, because he kept pointing to his diaper and calling for change.” –Conan O’Brien

“President Obama is slated to appear on one of Oprah’s last shows. He’s hoping it’s the one on which she gives away 14 trillion dollars.” –Conan O’Brien

“The White House said that President Obama will not focus on full-time campaigning for a long time. Yeah, he wants to wait a year or two before he gets serious about it — just like he did with being president.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Over the weekend, President Obama announced that he was running for a second term as president of the United States. There’s a brand-new campaign slogan — ‘Give me four more years to find my birth certificate.'” —David Letterman

“President Obama, I guess, is starting to confess to some of his anxieties. In a recent interview, President Obama said, ‘I miss being anonymous.’ He said, ‘In the old days, I could blend in with all the other Hawaiian Barack Hussein Obamas.'” —Conan O’Brien

“President Obama is going to seek reelection. His slogan this time? ‘Change you can believe in. This time I promise. Really.'” –Jay Leno

“President Obama said he plans on running for re-election against the Republicans. After the tax cuts for the rich, the bailouts for Wall Street, and the bombing in Libya, I already thought he was the Republican candidate.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama laid out his plan to reduce the $14 trillion national debt. Unfortunately for Sasha and Malia, it involves selling a lot of Girl Scout cookies.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“President Obama said in an interview over the weekend that he really misses being anonymous. He said, ‘I miss Saturday mornings rolling out of bed and not shaving, going to the market…’ Be careful what you wish for, 2012 is just around the corner!” –Jay Leno

“President Obama announced that he will run for re-election in 2012. Unfortunately, his popularity is so low that he’s running on the slogan, ‘I’m Michelle Obama’s husband.'” –Conan O’Brien

“President Obama announced his re-election campaign, though it’s not really a surprise. He did all the things that make it official: He filed the paperwork, redesigned his website, and printed another fake birth certificate.” –Craig Ferguson

“President Obama escalated the war in Afghanistan, he sent the Navy in to shoot at pirates in the Indian Ocean, and now he’s attacking Libya. It’s like he took the Nobel Peace Prize as an insult.” –Jimmy Kimmel

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